Top 10 things to do in the UK:
No. 1 on the list: The Edinburgh Festival
Here for 4 years and I have yet to attend our famous Edinburgh Festival that compromises of:
1. Fringe Festival - stand up comedians, carbaret shows, circuses, musicals, just comedy galore!
2. International Festival - theatre and orchestras for the more serious minded
3. Film Festival - international/local/etc films shown
4. Books Festival - self explanatory, no?
5. Jazz and Blues Festival - ditto
100s of venues, over 1800 shows, the Edinburgh Festival attracts ALL performers alike who come and show off their skills.
So many choices, so little time (and money).
Free shows on Royal Mile for the uninterested and loads of on the spot sketches/magicians/jugglers/drummers etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc... U can stand for hours watching:
Jugglers like him, or
Drummers like him, or
plain weird human statues such as:
Dracula, yes? or
Korean culture? What on earth does this mean?!Just the tip of the iceberg, there are hundreds of things going on at every nook and cranny of Royal Mile and Princes St, compromising of performers promoting their shows.
I'm not one to miss out.
Without further ado, I will now introduce you the the first show that I went for:
Just like it's name. NO. No puppetty DOLLS involved - the puppets are the penises themselves.
Now, u would think, who on earth will want to bare their family jewels for the scrutiny of the public?
AUSSIES!! (u lucky aussie students you, bet they drop their pants every second in Australia)
Yes, 2 well endowed males from Down Under, a stage, 300 people in the audience, 6.50 pounds per ticket, that makes a clean sweep of 1,950 pounds per night. Stretch it over 30 days, that's 58,500 pounds. Bet you are thinking of loosening your belt for a wee peekaboo now?
And then, u will ask, who on earth will pay 6.50quid to go and see another man's genitals? Well, YOU WOULD! STOP LYING, toot, U DEFINITELY WOULD!! Where else would u get full fledge, up front willing nudity in all it's glory for the feasting of your eyes????
Not to mention they twist and turn their down there into different shapes and sizes - anything - a boomerang, a baby kangaroo and heck, they can stretch it ALL the way back so that from the front,a he looks like a she. Use your imagination. Also, they left instructions on how to form the hamburger using ur penis and since I am such a nice person, I'll share it with you. But before that, guys, give ur lil' bros a nice warm up and girls, Please Ask Permission before diving in.
Steps to creating genital hamburger origami:
1.Pull penis down between testicles.
2.Twist testicles 90 degrees to the left (with penis still in the middle)
3. Squeeze both testicles together onto the penis and ta-da!! U've got yourself a hamburger! Guys, look into the mirror la.
Congratulations!! Ahem, if you didn't manage to do it, you obviously don't know the penis from the testicles. Or your genital anatomy is just wrong.
Still, we've gotta take our hats off to them for over stretching their crown jewels WAY past its limit. Of course, one wonders whether all that sperm can take the stress... Someone should research this topic!
Next up:
*Further explanation of this show has been deleted to prevent any unnecessary rivalry for the attention of Korean males*
NEWSREVUE
Yes you are right if you can spot Beckham, George Bush, Gordon Brown, The Queen, Kate Moss and Tony Blair in it.
Basically, mini sketches and singing by 4 incredibly talented individuals who took a piss out of all current news - you get the idea, d failed bombing of Glasgow airport, the stepdown of Tony Blair, the shifting of the Beckhams to the States, Paris Hilton getting molested by lesbians in jail...
They also had a few live news commentaries, some being:
A rise in childhood obesity in the UK has been followed by a fall in pedophilia. Duh, who wants to f*** fat kids?
A primary school teacher was sacked because of of wearing a head dress. Her pupils claimed that they could not understand what she was saying. She defended herself by saying, 'MmMmMmmmmmmMmmmmmm'
CIRQUE SURREAL
I'm not one to miss out.
Without further ado, I will now introduce you the the first show that I went for:
PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS
The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami
The Ancient Australian Art of Genital Origami
Just like it's name. NO. No puppetty DOLLS involved - the puppets are the penises themselves.Now, u would think, who on earth will want to bare their family jewels for the scrutiny of the public?
AUSSIES!! (u lucky aussie students you, bet they drop their pants every second in Australia)
Yes, 2 well endowed males from Down Under, a stage, 300 people in the audience, 6.50 pounds per ticket, that makes a clean sweep of 1,950 pounds per night. Stretch it over 30 days, that's 58,500 pounds. Bet you are thinking of loosening your belt for a wee peekaboo now?
And then, u will ask, who on earth will pay 6.50quid to go and see another man's genitals? Well, YOU WOULD! STOP LYING, toot, U DEFINITELY WOULD!! Where else would u get full fledge, up front willing nudity in all it's glory for the feasting of your eyes????
Not to mention they twist and turn their down there into different shapes and sizes - anything - a boomerang, a baby kangaroo and heck, they can stretch it ALL the way back so that from the front,a he looks like a she. Use your imagination. Also, they left instructions on how to form the hamburger using ur penis and since I am such a nice person, I'll share it with you. But before that, guys, give ur lil' bros a nice warm up and girls, Please Ask Permission before diving in.
Steps to creating genital hamburger origami:
1.Pull penis down between testicles.
2.Twist testicles 90 degrees to the left (with penis still in the middle)
3. Squeeze both testicles together onto the penis and ta-da!! U've got yourself a hamburger! Guys, look into the mirror la.
Congratulations!! Ahem, if you didn't manage to do it, you obviously don't know the penis from the testicles. Or your genital anatomy is just wrong.
Still, we've gotta take our hats off to them for over stretching their crown jewels WAY past its limit. Of course, one wonders whether all that sperm can take the stress... Someone should research this topic!
Next up:
BREAK OUT
(from the directors of Jump!)
Koreans doing hip-hop, break dancing and beat boxing? Why not?!
4 fugitives escapes from prison and are hunted down. But they are affected by the power of the Hip-hop Book and can all suddenly break into dance and song... woohoo...
Who wouldn't want to watch a 6-pec Korean guy strut his stuff??
Slurp, slurp, yum
(from the directors of Jump!)
Koreans doing hip-hop, break dancing and beat boxing? Why not?!
4 fugitives escapes from prison and are hunted down. But they are affected by the power of the Hip-hop Book and can all suddenly break into dance and song... woohoo...
Who wouldn't want to watch a 6-pec Korean guy strut his stuff??
Slurp, slurp, yum
*Further explanation of this show has been deleted to prevent any unnecessary rivalry for the attention of Korean males*
NEWSREVUE
Yes you are right if you can spot Beckham, George Bush, Gordon Brown, The Queen, Kate Moss and Tony Blair in it.Basically, mini sketches and singing by 4 incredibly talented individuals who took a piss out of all current news - you get the idea, d failed bombing of Glasgow airport, the stepdown of Tony Blair, the shifting of the Beckhams to the States, Paris Hilton getting molested by lesbians in jail...
They also had a few live news commentaries, some being:
A rise in childhood obesity in the UK has been followed by a fall in pedophilia. Duh, who wants to f*** fat kids?
A primary school teacher was sacked because of of wearing a head dress. Her pupils claimed that they could not understand what she was saying. She defended herself by saying, 'MmMmMmmmmmmMmmmmmm'
Was too busy drooling and holding my breath during the show to take any real good pictures.
It's a circus with NO ANIMALS! - why does everyone automatically associate animals with circuses?? - just humans showcasing their abilities.
Before I go on, shall I say that during the whole course of the show, no safety nets or safety harnesses were used at any one time.
Sotherewasthistwopeoplethatwasabsolutelycrazycostheygotintothis
hamsterroundthingthatwasamillionmetresintotheairandthentheyran
aboutitlikehamstersandjumpedandflewandsomersaultedanditwasjust
mentalcostheyhadnosafetyharnessifeltthatheirlifewasinjeopardy..
Basically.To sum it all up:-
What I saw was:
This two fellas.. CRAZY IDIOTS.... got into this HUGE ASS thing that had two round circly thingy-s at the end. Not unlike the running wheel used for hamsters.
So, they hopped in and started walking, once again, like how hamsters run on their wheel..
and the huge thing started spinning... and spinning, getting faster and faster... and the 2 crazy men started doing flips in the circly thingy...
like this.
It's a circus with NO ANIMALS! - why does everyone automatically associate animals with circuses?? - just humans showcasing their abilities.
Before I go on, shall I say that during the whole course of the show, no safety nets or safety harnesses were used at any one time.
Sotherewasthistwopeoplethatwasabsolutelycrazycostheygotintothis
hamsterroundthingthatwasamillionmetresintotheairandthentheyran
aboutitlikehamstersandjumpedandflewandsomersaultedanditwasjust
mentalcostheyhadnosafetyharnessifeltthatheirlifewasinjeopardy..
Basically.To sum it all up:-
What I saw was:
This two fellas.. CRAZY IDIOTS.... got into this HUGE ASS thing that had two round circly thingy-s at the end. Not unlike the running wheel used for hamsters.
So, they hopped in and started walking, once again, like how hamsters run on their wheel..and the huge thing started spinning... and spinning, getting faster and faster... and the 2 crazy men started doing flips in the circly thingy...
like this.AWESOME. But it gets worse.
They came out of the circly thingy and starts moonwalking on the top of the rim. WHILE The BLOODY THING IS SPINNING at 1000 revolutions per second. On top of that, one of them blind folds himself while STILL walking on the outside.
One minute later, the same i-am-blindfolded-but-still-can-cheat-death thinkhesosmartandtryto FLY.
What he did was leap into the air and do a somersault as the thing was spinning, aiming to land at....
Do you think he survived?
Oh, yes, with an almighty crash as he landed spot on WHILE IT WAS STILL SPINNING NOW AT 2000 revolutions per second.
With that big fat smile on his face.
Meanwhile, the other guy does gravity-defying tumbles and turns in his own circly thingy.
So.
What do medical students do at situations like these that is practically knocking on death's door?
We do the sensible thing.
Run through the ABC's of our emergency resuscitation skills, discuss and map out plans of management to assess and treat all likely injuries, whip our hand phones out, thumb hovering over the 9 digit, basically all geared up to BE an-all-professional-medical student should Mr. I-am-God fall.
That's D thought though.
In actual face, we were more like:
HOLY CRAP,
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.
They came out of the circly thingy and starts moonwalking on the top of the rim. WHILE The BLOODY THING IS SPINNING at 1000 revolutions per second. On top of that, one of them blind folds himself while STILL walking on the outside.
One minute later, the same i-am-blindfolded-but-still-can-cheat-death thinkhesosmartandtryto FLY.
What he did was leap into the air and do a somersault as the thing was spinning, aiming to land at....Do you think he survived?
Oh, yes, with an almighty crash as he landed spot on WHILE IT WAS STILL SPINNING NOW AT 2000 revolutions per second.
With that big fat smile on his face.Meanwhile, the other guy does gravity-defying tumbles and turns in his own circly thingy.
So.
What do medical students do at situations like these that is practically knocking on death's door?
We do the sensible thing.
Run through the ABC's of our emergency resuscitation skills, discuss and map out plans of management to assess and treat all likely injuries, whip our hand phones out, thumb hovering over the 9 digit, basically all geared up to BE an-all-professional-medical student should Mr. I-am-God fall.
That's D thought though.
In actual face, we were more like:
HOLY CRAP,GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.
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