Thorpe Park

When I was in medical school, I vowed to definitely visit all the theme parks across Britain.

Up until today, I do not know how many theme parks there are, but I have so far been to 2. Blackpool, Alton Towers and plus the latest that brings the number up to 3 - Thorpe Park.

It started off with me overhearing a friend asking another friend about 'Monday's' plans.
And being the kaypo person I am, I promptly asked:

What's happening Monday?

At to which the answer was that Nigel was going to Thorpe Park with some friends from uni and was asking some of the other F1s if they were interested as he is trying to get a group of people to go.

He didn't invite me la.

But then somehow, the next natural thing to say in that situation was:

Oh, I'll come!

Super beh paiseh, self invite ownself.

Note I said 'natural' thing to do at 'that' situation. Completely does not describe how I totally am at all because I naturally do not go places unless specifically invited and that situation just made it seem that I'm thick skinned.

Completely and utterly untrue.

My skin is about 1mm thick.

Then of course poor boy had no choice but to say:

Of course! Come!

At to which I realised how wrong my self invite sounded but there was no way I could withdraw it, so I replied:

Yeah, yeah!
While bobbing up and down enthusiastically before making a quick excuse to get away.
Fast.

In my self defense, one year living with ang mohs taught me one thing - that sometimes you have to ber-thick face and invite yourself. Cos there is only so much they will do to invite you, and people generally don't mind you coming unless you are a weirdo.

And I am not a weirdo.

Completely different from the asian community where everything is a personal attack; if I didn't invite you along to my toenail clipping session with friend X, you will hate me for life.

So maybe self inviting was not such a bad idea after all.

The fateful Thorpe Park day was Bank Holiday Monday - and I had just arrived back from a long weekend in Amsterdam the day before, with a horrible sore throat that was brewing in the horizon.

Amsterdam's another story.

So I debated with myself if I wanted to go or not and by early night, had not heard anything from anyone regarding anything at all. Up until later when my other friend received a text from the main organiser regarding Thorpe Park.
Which once again, made me think in a very Chinese way - Wah, never text me la, what for I go.
So I texted the main organiser and said (golden nugget - a very good angmoh reason when you want to escape out of absolutely anything) - I am ill.

And received no reply.

So sad right?
Maybe I am a weirdo and no one wants me to come anyway.

My skin has now grown to 1cm thick.

Somehow in the course of the night I ended up in the main organiser's flat and there he was, poor guy, sitting there trying to convince this other 2 girls to come (when they obviously were not interested to at all).

So basically, they only had 2 people who agreed to go, including organiser himself.

Wah.
If for me, I sure super bei.
Confirm lah! Organise so long ago, have mentioned it to 101 people and these people confirm before, and the trip is TOMORROW, tonight only look like they don't want to go!?!!?

Sounds like my horrible Amsterdam trip all over again.

Again, Amsterdam's another story.

Honestly, what's with people who cannot make up their minds?!
So the deep stir in me brought out my extensive pity for the boy in this situation and I offered in what I hope is a tactful way that 'Hey, actually I don't feel so bad after all! I'll go!'

My skin is now officially 1 inch thick.

And so Monday came and it was 3 boys and 1 girl.

(See, all the cool people that were actually invited didn't turn up after all and I had to fill in)


Thorpe Park it is - with 2 for 1 tickets, got in, and immediately zoned in on all the rides.



Compared to Alton Towers, Thorpe Park is way WAY smaller. But just as cool.

I think we sat about 6 rides in total, and even went twice on the Saw roller coaster.

Yes, the new Saw rides were Thorpe Park's main attraction but I would say the Saw Haunted Maze was just plain not scary.
Cramming about 20 people at once to walk through the maze makes things a little overcrowded don't you think?
Definitely.


Then there was this weird uncle who struck up a conversation with me while waiting in queue about my HTC phone. Well, being chinese geeky and all that, I chatted to him amicably with the other 3 boys throwing me WTF looks over their shoulder ever so often.
After we went 3/4 the way round the never ending queue, I was bored and expertly shifted my conversation back to my own friends.
But Mr Uncle kept interrupting lor. Hello, he is old with kids. Coming to Thorpe Park with friends at that age is NOT COOL.
Anyway, he kept showing me pictures of his daughters on his out-of-date HTC phone, and like even wrote down some Tesco vouchers-dono-what on a slip of paper for me.
I still have that somewhere.

Then later the boys told me that they were giving me looks and waiting for me to indicate to them that I wanted them to intervene and help.

Sometimes I think it is difficult. With Uncle talking to me, how do I indicate without being rude??
Same thing in Germany that many years ago when some lao ah beng tried to get friendly with one of my other friends and she got so pissed off because none of the boys intervened; and the excuse from the guys was that they didn't know how to?

I think someone needs to invent some ground rules or system here.

But anyway, luckily we came up to the ride and I could slip in between the other boys and escape the old Uncle.

Got home late evening, loss my voice and suffered a massive cold and another superimposed cold on top of my first cold for 2 whole weeks.

So now 3 UK theme parks up my sleeve. Anymore?
Bring it on.

Alton Towers

Ever since I heard about this amazing theme park (probably around the time I was in 2nd year of uni), I knew I had to go.

The chance came when Faizi and I co organised a trip there with the rest of Malaysian crew in Edinburgh on behalf of EMSA (Edinburgh Malaysian Student Association). But of course; the beautiful plan backfired when the radical malays in the association decided that we are downright rude organising a happy-we-are-going-to-play thing over Ramadhan.

So it was cancelled.

Dammit.

Fast forward 3 years and I finally got my chance.

On one of the cold, cold weekends England is so famous for, 10 of us set out for Alton Towers that is in the middle of nowhere.

The nearest station is Uttoexeter where you would still require a 30 min bus ride to the park. So since 75% of the group was coming from Edinburgh, they decided it probably made more sense to drive.

Drive the whole 5 hours they did.
Bless them.

We rented a cottage which had 10 beds, 3 toilets/showers/baths, a massive kitchen and an equally massive living room surrounded with our very own green pastures and black-white spotted cows.
A very good thing we got 2 of Edinburgh's finest cooks to come along - who prepared all meals for us. I helped in the eating.

And washing up okay.

I am not completely useless.


The first day, we all got up early, excited and geared to head out.

We arrived well early at the park.
How's that for 10am? Keen.

Okay, before we embark on our journey...

Let me explain to you the science of winning in a theme park. I know. I am kiasu. But seriously, in this time and generation, if you are not kiasu, you are going to lose forever.

Same thing goes with maximising time usage in an amusement park. Tried, tested and 99% fool proof.
All you need is a little planning and knowing exactly what type of ride vs personality person you are.
Focus.
Decide.
Choose.
Zone in.
Kill them all.


Yes.


You can do it. Look at the theme park map, identify the must-do rides and plot your route to ensure you cover most of them in 1 day. If the park does Fast Track tickets (like Disney) then bloody calculate your hours and seconds to 99.99% specificity and sensitivity to ensure that all bases are covered.

So there.

Our first ride was towards the X-Sector for Oblivion.

Set out we did with our one track goal and....

We
Unfortunately
Got
Completely
Side
Tracked.

A mass of spinning ball like things caught our attention and we hopped on instead.
So much for planning our route of action to the T.

We got to Oblivion in the end - the principal of this ride is alike Gyro Drop in Lotte World (Korea) and Solero Shots in Genting.
Only much, much better.



In fact, it was my favourite ride in the entire park.

The car just goes up, up and up... turns over and hangs for 1 milisecond above a hole with a huge body of water pouring down into it.

So your field of vision is literally gaping darkness with fine sprays and mist from the cascading water that further enhances the thought of falling into absolutely nothing.

The drop comes and yes, the black hole and the thundering of water gets louder as you dive into the never ending velvety darkness....

Ah.
Winner.

We later tracked on to The Towers where we entered this entirely lame ghost house that brought you to Hell and fast forwarding from that...

....chanced upon Rita, Queen of Speed (my foot).


Yes, fast la, but compared to Aerosmith Ride in Disneyworld?

Lose Big Time.

Somemore we had to wait in the rain to board the ride.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was close at hand in Ug Land, at which the boys blatantly refused to enter. Only 1 conceded in the end but boy, it was regrettable for the others. A boat ride to see the Oompa Loompas, and the great glass elevator that brings you up into space? Why, Mr Willy Wonka kicks ass.


In the whole 2 days we spent at Alton Towers, we squeezed in almost all the rides, including the much acclaimed Air - which gives you the sensation of a bird flying. I highly recommend girls to tie up their long hair though, if not all you see is.... hair.



Nemesis was forgettable, in fact, I cannot even remember what it entailed. Spins and turns and what not. Definitely not exciting enough for me as my adrenaline sensitivity sites are already oversensitised.

The other thing that worked for me was Sharkbait Reef by Sealife.



The title tells you all about it - live fishes, turtles, sharks... but the winner were the ever friendly stingrays.



I swear if they were not so wet, I would've gone all in to kiss them.



The Flume ride was wet - sponsored by Imperial Leather, our ride was in the shape of a bath tub.
Res assured though, if you got too wet, there are human dryers where £2 will get you blasts of hot air in all directions to hopefully dry everything including your underpants out.


In true honesty, the theme park was quite exciting and pretty. However, much more can be done about the layout, walking from one end to the other is too long and lacks direct connections.

I just can't be arsed walking so far.

They had ample parking space and a free monorail that brings you to the park which is highly convenient.

But seriuosly.

Earn the money and head over to Disneyworld Florida.

Promise you would never had had so much fun and entertainment in your entire life.

Kicks Alton Tower's butt all the way to America and back.

Cheating the System

I was browsing through my old entries that I never published when I came across this entry which I started on the 21st of July 2008.



So we have all heard of and in fact done things ourselves to cheat the system of everything and anything that can be cheated.


My walk of fame includes using someone else's ID to enter the gym (so I do not have to pay the appalling 2.50 pounds), faking my age when entering clubs when I was still underage back then, using someone else's ID to claim things on their behalf because all Asian people look the same here in the UK, while the top of the list includes a group of us working in perfect unison to smuggle people into the student union (one of the nights many years ago) to avoid paying entrance fees.


I'm just the tip of the iceberg, there are a whole lot of other things people do, that is so smart you would not think that it is possible.


But as the saying goes, what comes around, goes around.


So here I was this happy afternoon, skipping along as the sun shone down....





and?

What happened?????

Think as hard as I might - I realised that this incident that probably provoked me enough to warrant an entry had been completely replaced with the doses required to treat a community acquired pneumonia.

500mg Amoxycillin TDS
or
500mg Clarithromycin BD

But, I DO want to know what was it that came back to me and made me eat my own hat. This is enormously frustrating.

The student union mentioned in the old post above is non other than Saturday night's Big Cheese at Potterrow where yes, I now remember clearly how Matthew coyly chatted up the bouncer, how WeiWei and Alvin blocked the cashier's counter pretending to pay for 2 people, while the other 20 or so of us slipped right through, blending in with the dark shadows and *fill space with your imagination*.

Of course, highly illegal - but now at the end of my university years, with finals coming up in 4 weeks, I think back of all the stupidly smart things my friends and I have done since first year; the list obviously getting much shorter as the years wore on.

The most infamous one I remember was our first trip ever over Easter of year 1 - to Amsterdam. Upon finding out that the train ticket to Keukenhoff(the flower gardens) from Amsterdam was double the price compared to the station before Keukenhoff, we made the ultimate decision that we will buy the half price ticket to the station one stop away from our intended destination.

The plan was simple.

Pretend to sleep - when the ticketman comes around - become all flustered and stutter - hopefully they will let us poor Asians with our multitude of luggage off at the next station(which WILL be Keukenhoff) and kindly point us in the right direction to get back to the station before.

So when the ticketman came around, we executed the plan brilliantly with our very own Vicky scoring Oscar for Best Actress of the year.

Yes, the ticket conductor was ever so kind to see our panicked faces, ever so sympathetic with our high pitched voices and ever so helpful to point us out at the next (ahem, correct) station on how to board another train and backtrack.

Little did he know after thanking him profusely and flashing him with the sweetest smiles ever, we bolted out of the turnstile at Keukenhoff at a100 miles per hour, never looking back.

The same trip saw us using 1 ticket while two people went through the turnstile at the metro in Paris, or 1 person goes through - walks to the automatic exit door - opens the door from the inside - and everyone else troops in FOC. Even in the presence of CCTV cameras.

Brazen were we.

But like I said, what goes around, comes around.

That trip ended with 3 of us losing our cameras. That is a 50% hit list.
(Look, I know I had just recently lost my purse twice and also my camera 2 years ago, but I was NOT in that hitlist. Stop sniggering)

Summer of year 1 saw us in Germany, trying to pull the same tricks.

Thinking that no one checks whether we have tickets or not on our trips on the metro, we decided that there is no point in getting a €0.80 ticket to travel that one way.

Up til the 5th day when 2 ticket conductors boarded the same carriage as us and started asking people for their tickets.

O M G.

I still remember the pure terror and adrenaline that went through my veins as I inched farther and farther away from them.
Problem was - there were 2 of them and they started from either end of the carriage, working their way to the middle.
So caught like a rabbit in headlights, I stood trapped at centre of the carriage, praying that the next station will come soon enough.

One of them tapped me on the shoulder to ask for my ticket.

Don't even ask me where the others were. 10 of us Asians in that one carriage, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible?

Not

A

Chance.

I fumbled around, pretending to look into my bag.

Ting

The doors opened at the next station.

And. I. Fled.

If you had never been a hunted man before, go find an opportunity.

All I saw out of the corner of my eyes were my friends leaping out of the train and...

Fear brought me to a higher level where self protection is key.

So I skedaddled out of the station, taking the stairs 5 at a time, hid behind a bush at the station entrance and peered out with saucer eyes -

Only to be met by another friend who ALSO took the flight of the wanted with wings at his ankles.

So we waited for more to appear.
1 minute
5 minutes
10 minutes
15....

And the other 8 of them traipsed out of the station, downcast and dejected.

For good reason.

Each and everyone of my fantastic friends got fined €40 for not possessing a €0.80 metro ticket.

That sucked. 5 years ago, €40 is a lot. In fact, it is a lot up til now.

Therefore, from 1st year onwards, I made a solemn promise that I would not cheat the system again. Escaping such a fate is my luck and I honestly think I'd had enough of adrenaline rush to last me a lifetime.

But obviously, no.

Something came back to me according to the post on the 21st of July 2008.

If only I did not need to learn how to save someone's life from a community required pneumonia.


I'd still be basking in the glory of my youthful days.

Blair Drummond Safari Park

Ok, really. Since Doris got her MPV-look-alike car that can sit 5 people really really comfortably, we have been abusing it left, right, centre up and down, in and out.

The poor engine creaks with overuse, it's tyres screech in disagreement, the doors hang off its hinges seeking for early retirement, and even the CDs in the car are a sad collection of songs.

But the car is uber comfortable. And stable. And powerful. And it is after all - A CAR.

You know when you come overseas, little comfort things like Cars matter a lot.

Like A Lot.

You can put it right up up there next to the creation of half price Ben N Jerry's/Haagan Daz ice cream, the buy 1 get 1 free sale in Topshop during Christmas, or the 1p seats Ryanair offers once in a blue moon.

Yup, it is awesome, awesome, awesome.
Like literally AWESOME.
I'm going to use the word awesome in every other sentence of this entry.

So awesomeness aside, Doris's awesome car brought your awesomeness all the way to the awesome Stirling where the awesome Blair Drummond Safari and Adventure Park is.

How awesome is that?

Ok, seems like the letters a w e s o m and e on my keyboard just froze hence I am unable to type that word in sequence anymore.

So I'll change to fantabulous.

Upon our fantabulous entry to the park, we saw, much to our fantabulous delight - our first fantabulous animal:

The Fantabulous Lion

Which is fantabulously fake of course.

Ah, my mind is becoming hypoglycaemic just thinking of the word fantabulous.

Loads of animals roamed free in the park and you are allowed to drive through with your own car. I cannot express enough how tempting it is to crash straight into a flock of ducks sitting just on the grassy bit at the side of the road.

Oh SO tempting.

Unfortunately, Doris was specially trained by the RSPCA and has ZERO tolerance for cruelty towards animals. NO matter HOW many times I cajoled, begged and screamed at her, she blatantly refused to drive off road into the white mass of feathers. Even after I told her of my Hung family- passed-through-generations-secret recipe for roasting crispy duck, that is 100% guaranteed to bring her to heaven and back.

I need to work on my communication skills.

Then of course, there are places like these:

A fort with slides spouting from the sides, looking as fort-y as a fort can be. And I was ready to clamber all the way up to relive my childhood and actually managed to convince another friend to do the same.

Until we chanced upon this HUGE signboard by the side.

That read:

PURE, DOWN RIGHT, DISGUSTING DISCRIMINATION TOWARDS OVER 12s.

So, we did the only above 12 thing we could handle, and walked away.


Animals are easy to find this this safari park. They actually sit right in front of you. They have such a small area to roam and are so immobile that it is a wonder they do not develop instant DVTs and suffer a cardiac arrest from a PE.

Among the animals they had on offer were:

The Rhino
The Elephant
The Lion

3/5 of the the Big Five in South Africa. Why waste all that money to go there when they are available right here in Scotland?


And smaller animals like:

The Marmoset

The Beavers

The PigsHuh? I'm going to freaking sue you for taking my picture

The Humans

The... I have no idea what this is.


Being an adventure park, they have, to our delight, a sea lion show where they attempted to explain to us the difference between a seal and a sea lion.

Well, I will implore to share my knowledge here.

No. 1
The spelling is different, although similar.

No. 2
The sea lion is not really a lion.

No. 3
Likewise, the seal is not anything like the wax stamp that you put on your official letters

No. 4
We should all use our own brains.

The Sea Lion


The Seal


Spot the difference yourself.

There was also a show called 'Birds of Prey' and we all wandered along to see birds give flying demonstrations.
The most exciting bit of it was when the bird swooped down towards Surawee and he hit back, clipping it by its tail so it crashed head first into Mitchel.

Alright, that's a figment of my imagination. In reality, he cursed out loud and hid his face in his hands.

You want to tooting mess with me?!?!?

After driving through the park twice, we were ready to head home.

Shall I add in that the next day, we went for a Mongolian dinner where we sampled the likes of kangaroos, zebras, crocodiles, game meat and a whole load of other exotic sounding animals that are most probably found in the safari?

Pure, raw meat

Ah, the food chain.

The fundamental theory that makes the world go round.

Paint Ball

Now remember how I said that I enjoy looking out for extraordinary things to do?

Yes, paintball, not extremely extraordinary in itself, has been at the back of my mind for quite some time now.
Well, not MY mind per se, but a friend's who has been going on and On and ON and ON and ON and ON about paintball everytime I met him.

So finally, on a bright sprightly Saturday on the 9th day in the month of August year 2009, 20 brave souls made their way to the A1 Paintball pitch based here in Edinburgh.

Ok, first of all, let me give you some background. I have played paintball before.

Oh yes.

Way back then when I was a wee 19 year old with my A Level friends in Extreme Park Malaysia. And my second time was back in first year at some other spot in Edinburgh with some friends from the Asian Friends Society.
All I remember of the first time was that my friend Rei Ka suffered a skin abrasion the size of a penny on her arm and also puked at the sidelines because of her terrific gallantry that brought nothing but victory to my team.
The second time I remember the hammering in my heart as I brought the canister that is supposed to be delivered to the enemy's base up front for the warriors in my team to skip over the cross fire and bring us the triumph we deserve.

But for what my money's worth, I remember both times that the pain inflicted by that darn paintball is nothing less than pure agony. ESPECIALLY if it was point blank.

So really, paint ball isn't something new to me.

But since I have not played in about 4 years and also me friend is going to return to Brunei like very, very soon, I jumped at the chance.

A few inquiries to those that exist around me brought the number of our group up to a formidable 20.

Of course, it HAD to rain that morning and of course, the bus driver HAD to tell us the wrong stop to get off at and of course, another 1/2 of us HAD to lose our way there.


Still, 2 hours later than scheduled, 20 Edinburghans, ranging from medical students to biology and engineering and nationalities from SEA including Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Thailand, Indonesia and Hong Kong gathered together at the base, ready to Kick Ass.

After changing into the rather flattering army suits, and strapping on the almost attractive head gear, complete with finger enhancing gloves, we were ready to rock n' roll.

Of course, changing where everyone can see you is the way forward.

What did I say about kick ass?

So we were then divided into 2 teams, handed our guns and marched out into the muddy battlefield.

Yes. Muddy like there is no tomorrow. And when the marshals yelled 3, 2, 1 and START! we scrambled like scared rabbits, backs bent doubled, finger on trigger, feet stepping into the ankle high mud, eyes darting like squirrels and basically tried to hide our big bodies behind whatever that was available.

And my team lost. Because we have too many big people thus providing easy targets.

Well, that's just an excuse. The real reason was that the enemy crept right up to our base and no one saw him. -_-"'

We probably all need glasses.

Never mind.

Round 2.

Now. This was when things got a little tricky.

Already tired with squatting so much (this did not agree with my thighs at all really) and also oozing sweat from every pore, the almost attractive head gear I was wearing started to tooting FOG up.

Right.
It is very well if I can actually see who or what I am shooting at.
It is even better if I can actually see where I am walking to.
It is probably the best if I could see my hand in front of me.

During the first game, I actually managed to see people through my visor.

And being able to see them, meant I could aim to shoot at them. And hit them.

Hard.

By the time the second game went into full swing, I saw:
Bloomin' fog.

Descending over my field of vision, cutting off my ability to estimate direction, destroying my precise calculations of the time it takes my bullet to reach the enemy, interfering with my meticulous ciphering of the wind's velocity and angle, sabotaging my mind sketch of the parabolic curve of bullet travel and thus effectively obliterating my deliverance of head shots straight to the Nemesis's head.

And so I had to endure either shooting blindly or slipping my hand into the visor to wipe the pestiferous vapour away every other second.

I chose the latter.

Which I paid dearly for because I was shot at mercilessly during our last game, where we were led into the silliest battle ever, called No Man's Land.
What do you do? You go, run, hide and shoot your comrade, brother, sister, acquaintance, colleague... just shoot at bloomin' everybody.

Yes.
No rules, no feelings, just pure brutality.


See the yellow marks all over the suit?


The by product of paint ball.
This definitely beats Rei Ka's penny size bruise all the way up the Great Wall of China and back.

For the faint hearted?

Definitely not.

White Water Rafting

Everytime I go back to Malaysia, I try to do something different.

Short of pigging out, trying to see all my friends at the same time contacting those whom I have not been talking to, watching all the shows that I'd missed in the UK, spending time with my parents, going to Hong Kong and South Africa, attending my sister's graduation and also not forgetting my dog, I am constantly on the lookout for filling my days with something extraordinary.

During the summer of 1st year, I went for a BBQ with friends at Pagan Lalang beach and played 'Ice and Fire' in the sunset.
I still remember Neo as saying this is one of the most difficult games he has ever come across at his age. Which is the same as mine.
See how old we are??

2nd year came and I went to Templer's Park Waterfall No. 3 where we had a whale of a time there trying to catch all the glittery golden sand in the pool.

The summer of 3rd year was cut down to ONE month and with it came the unforgettable Chemang Waterfall where we once again frolicked in its cool thunderous waters, like little children.

Then of course, like how we all grow bigger and taller, came the summer of 4th year. If you see my past activities, they have somehow all involved the water. I heart the water. So this year, I decided to do a little something different.
Perhaps a bit of adrenaline rush?
Perhaps with water?

Eureka!

So the idea of white water rafting was born into this evil world.

A few well placed calls, and then abandoning the whole project to Liwan while I jet setted off to South Africa meant that white water rafting -------->

Happened.

Of course lar, you think girls cannot organise stuff?!?!?!?!!

Another check by the boys (sorry, boys also need to do work) and we came to the decision that we will travel there by... public transport.

Well.

As we all know, Malaysia is not amazingly famous for its public transport.

Wait.

Make that NOT famous at all.

We have our pride and joy - the LRT (light rail transit) that takes almost half an hour to get from PJ to KL. Driving takes just the same amount of time, if not faster with little traffic.

And to get to KKB, the place where our supposed 'adventure of a lifetime' is supposed to start, we took the....





KTM. Komuter Tanah Melayu.




KTM. Not even close to the standard of the LRT. So of course, our trip took, yup! FOREVER. Still, it is cheap, it gets us from point A to point B and thanks to the lack of any announcements regarding what stops that we were coming up to, we half jumped out at the wrong station, screamed that it is Rawang and scared all the passengers senseless for missing their station as everyone seemed to be going to Rawang. For what I don't know.

But embarrassment aside, we got to our final destination with no spliced body parts only to find that of course, the train station is in the middle of no where and that there are no buses whatsoever to get us to the city centre.

Never mind! Take taxi! Cheap Cheap!

RM5 to travel for about 5 minutes on the road. Per Person. Make that RM 15 per taxi for a 5 minute ride.
Not Impressed. At All.

Anyway, in the end, we managed to meet up with the team that was to bring us on the trip. The lovely crew from Tracks picked us up and dropped us off at some random point, on some random road, on the slope of some random hill and here we were, the start point of our 5 km run on Sungai Selangor.

Yes, 9 people at the random point.

We then had a 5 minute crash course on what to do when the navigator gives instructions and also how to save yourself if you are in mortal peril.

Listening. Very. Carefully.

Sure, 5 minutes is way, way enough to educate someone on how to safe your life. But no problemo, one medical student that is trained for 4 years and another for 3, available to administer first aid should the need arise for it.

We then slid down a muddy side path to reach the river banks where two inflatable rafts were anchored.

5 people to one and 4 to the other.

If you are afraid, sit in the 5 person raft - because it is more stable. If not, the 4. No fuss at all. So we decided to split a girl to each boat but as Liwan walked over to board the 4 person raft, Mr Ali yells, 'Tak mau perempuan! Lelaki saja!'

Wah. Talk about sexism to the max.


Fine.

We all paddle very well lor, despite having 5 people (top and bottom 2 are the guides) on a boat... look at our concentration.

When the need to showcase our skills arised... we shone. When the need to follow commands the instant it is hollered... we aced.

So when the most difficult rapids of all - a Grade 5 one appeared...

We took it head on.

Sigh.

Just take a look at that. What a beautiful landing. Life is just full of sparkling moments of triumph like how the stars dazzle and hypnotise on a cloudless night.


On the other hand, the LELAKI boat, testosterone fueled and machoism at its highest...Got. Stuck.

See.... all the urban muscular males looking behind to their guide for directions on how to overcome this glitch.

But they then did this fancy thing and got out of the problem.

Complete with theme park styled expressions.

I should charge them a highly reasonable price of USD 50 for this picture in a frame folded from reused paper with the words 'White Water Rafting, 04/07/08' printed all over it.

Jeez, I like how I can see money making opportunities even when I am having fun.


Stop. Being. Jealous.



Back, to reality. DO Not, I repeat, DO NOT underestimate my boat.

HAH. Saw that.... Is that yau yeng or what.

We were also give a chance to body surf.
What is body surf you say?


A little bit of A B C from none other than me. Get your pen and notebook ready.


First of all, you get onto a huge rock... and pose like this:
Seriously. It is to stretch all your muscles and make your limbs as flexible as an elastic band.

Then you scramble to the edge of the huge rock and look into the waters below to spot any hidden rocks.

If spot-able, jump into the water, AVOIDING the rocks.
Sure if you want to jump onto the rocks and break a bone, I'd be more than happy to administer what first aid I can in extreme conditions like this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to brush up for my finals.

If the water is as brown and murky as Sg Selangor's, slide off the side like this:
Of course, the gay-er the better.

Lift your legs up and let the current carry you down the rapids, and butt up at the correct moments to avoid shattering your sacrum. Or ass bone if you like it mentioned that way.

Also, endeavour to seal your throat and strife to avoid swallowing too much water, lest you acquire C. Difficile and get diarrhoea like how your grandma does when she is in hospital.
Ok, I lied. C. Difficile is a hospital acquired bug. But all of the other parts are true.

(I like how medical this is turning out don't you??)

Of course, by the time you doggy paddle to the edge of the pool (do NOT let the current take you down the whole of the river) you are as tired as a... as a.... as a...


as a...


as...... a....


asss......... aaa.............



....tortoise after it finishes its race with the rabbit.


We were then brought to a waterfall.

Stopping for the water fall.

YEAH. A WATERFALL AGAIN!

WA HEY!!



That guy is Boon, being.. er.. Boon.



Liwan and I doing our Loreal Shampoo pose.

Because You're Worth It.

How True.



So we ended by climbing out at another random spot by the river banks that brought us to another random tar road with a random van there for us to hide about its corners to change in.

Eh, if in the great outdoors, no such thing as private toilet with shower, pre heated towels or even a door for that matter. Girls changing on one side of the van and boys using the windows as a mirror on the other side (while being able to totally see the girls) to gel their hair is Normal.

Tired and happy.

How about upping the game and climbing Mt Kinabalu the next time?


I think I am too old.