Alton Towers

Ever since I heard about this amazing theme park (probably around the time I was in 2nd year of uni), I knew I had to go.

The chance came when Faizi and I co organised a trip there with the rest of Malaysian crew in Edinburgh on behalf of EMSA (Edinburgh Malaysian Student Association). But of course; the beautiful plan backfired when the radical malays in the association decided that we are downright rude organising a happy-we-are-going-to-play thing over Ramadhan.

So it was cancelled.

Dammit.

Fast forward 3 years and I finally got my chance.

On one of the cold, cold weekends England is so famous for, 10 of us set out for Alton Towers that is in the middle of nowhere.

The nearest station is Uttoexeter where you would still require a 30 min bus ride to the park. So since 75% of the group was coming from Edinburgh, they decided it probably made more sense to drive.

Drive the whole 5 hours they did.
Bless them.

We rented a cottage which had 10 beds, 3 toilets/showers/baths, a massive kitchen and an equally massive living room surrounded with our very own green pastures and black-white spotted cows.
A very good thing we got 2 of Edinburgh's finest cooks to come along - who prepared all meals for us. I helped in the eating.

And washing up okay.

I am not completely useless.


The first day, we all got up early, excited and geared to head out.

We arrived well early at the park.
How's that for 10am? Keen.

Okay, before we embark on our journey...

Let me explain to you the science of winning in a theme park. I know. I am kiasu. But seriously, in this time and generation, if you are not kiasu, you are going to lose forever.

Same thing goes with maximising time usage in an amusement park. Tried, tested and 99% fool proof.
All you need is a little planning and knowing exactly what type of ride vs personality person you are.
Focus.
Decide.
Choose.
Zone in.
Kill them all.


Yes.


You can do it. Look at the theme park map, identify the must-do rides and plot your route to ensure you cover most of them in 1 day. If the park does Fast Track tickets (like Disney) then bloody calculate your hours and seconds to 99.99% specificity and sensitivity to ensure that all bases are covered.

So there.

Our first ride was towards the X-Sector for Oblivion.

Set out we did with our one track goal and....

We
Unfortunately
Got
Completely
Side
Tracked.

A mass of spinning ball like things caught our attention and we hopped on instead.
So much for planning our route of action to the T.

We got to Oblivion in the end - the principal of this ride is alike Gyro Drop in Lotte World (Korea) and Solero Shots in Genting.
Only much, much better.



In fact, it was my favourite ride in the entire park.

The car just goes up, up and up... turns over and hangs for 1 milisecond above a hole with a huge body of water pouring down into it.

So your field of vision is literally gaping darkness with fine sprays and mist from the cascading water that further enhances the thought of falling into absolutely nothing.

The drop comes and yes, the black hole and the thundering of water gets louder as you dive into the never ending velvety darkness....

Ah.
Winner.

We later tracked on to The Towers where we entered this entirely lame ghost house that brought you to Hell and fast forwarding from that...

....chanced upon Rita, Queen of Speed (my foot).


Yes, fast la, but compared to Aerosmith Ride in Disneyworld?

Lose Big Time.

Somemore we had to wait in the rain to board the ride.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was close at hand in Ug Land, at which the boys blatantly refused to enter. Only 1 conceded in the end but boy, it was regrettable for the others. A boat ride to see the Oompa Loompas, and the great glass elevator that brings you up into space? Why, Mr Willy Wonka kicks ass.


In the whole 2 days we spent at Alton Towers, we squeezed in almost all the rides, including the much acclaimed Air - which gives you the sensation of a bird flying. I highly recommend girls to tie up their long hair though, if not all you see is.... hair.



Nemesis was forgettable, in fact, I cannot even remember what it entailed. Spins and turns and what not. Definitely not exciting enough for me as my adrenaline sensitivity sites are already oversensitised.

The other thing that worked for me was Sharkbait Reef by Sealife.



The title tells you all about it - live fishes, turtles, sharks... but the winner were the ever friendly stingrays.



I swear if they were not so wet, I would've gone all in to kiss them.



The Flume ride was wet - sponsored by Imperial Leather, our ride was in the shape of a bath tub.
Res assured though, if you got too wet, there are human dryers where £2 will get you blasts of hot air in all directions to hopefully dry everything including your underpants out.


In true honesty, the theme park was quite exciting and pretty. However, much more can be done about the layout, walking from one end to the other is too long and lacks direct connections.

I just can't be arsed walking so far.

They had ample parking space and a free monorail that brings you to the park which is highly convenient.

But seriuosly.

Earn the money and head over to Disneyworld Florida.

Promise you would never had had so much fun and entertainment in your entire life.

Kicks Alton Tower's butt all the way to America and back.