Dear Diary

I sit here thinking of the past 5 months I have worked here in Maidstone, literally the middle of nowhere to Edinburghan mortals.

I first started with Urology/General Surgery where I did hours like 8am-8pm for on calls, and normal days 8-5pm although I generally leave around 6.

I am now currently on Anaesthetics.

Which is swell.

Why? Because I don't have any responsibilities, minimal patient contact (and they are ALL WELL; obviously if not how to do surgery on them) and best of all, I am allowed to do almost anything I want.

However, since I started my FY1 year, I have to say my thought process and mentality have somewhat changed.
I find that the angmoh talk about the WEIRDEST things, have a somewhat different sense of humour and sarcasm is high on the list of the coolies woolies. I have also become more accepting to their way of life that involves alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. Did I say alcohol? And I have to say, my alcohol tolerance? Much increased.

When people ask am I enjoying my job?

Currently, YES.

Am I enjoying life here?

Currently, yes.

But.

There are times when loneliness sets in, especially since my flatmate is almost never around anymore. And the fact I only have ONE flatmate, and not THREE, (that I had for the past 4 years) amplifies the stillness and pin drop silence if I am home alone.

Then there is the gossip and cliques I have to deal with.

So do I get upset when someone plans a big night out but does not invite me?

Oh yes, wouldn't you?

But does it matter?

NO.

So do I get upset when nasty things is said about my friends and the fact that I hang out with them?

Oh yes, wouldn't you?

But does it matter?

NO.

Because I realise that I have come to a stage of being able to control my emotions and can tell myself quite sternly not to bother nor care if it really isn't worth it.

And it isn't. And you get that nice feeling of knowing you are in control and really, you've still got family and God that looks over you.

I miss the Manglish/Singlish banter I had in the past 5 years of my life in the UK, I miss the get togethers and home cooked food, I miss the dinners and night outs with my people. I miss the common understanding and languages we use, I miss the fact that we can almost complete each others sentences. I miss the closeness of us all.

I find that in a group of angmohs, I remain silent.

In a group of angmohs, I cannot spontaneously say stuff.

In a group of angmohs, I sometimes cease to listen to their talk and they think I do not get their sarcasm. Or their sense of humour.

In a group of angmohs, they laugh at me (good intentions no doubt) when I pronounce things in my accent.

And, in a group of angmohs, I need to learn how to quickly remark back when they bombard me with lewd comments.

What do you say when someone says you are fit/hot/sexy?
Thank you?
What do you say when someone says you are such a good girl, if not, you would have already slept with me?
Thank you?
What do you say when someone says I can't help but notice your perfectly formed breasts?
Thank you?
What do you say when someone says you are now the sex symbol?
Thank you?

I still have a long way to go.

But, I am having a great time on average and I have to say again that what I thought would be a horrible year has actually turned out to be quite an enjoyable one. But.

I still have a long way to go.