Tottenham Hotspurs vs Blackburn

So. The top 10 things I have to do before I leave this country is:

1. Watch a rugby match - check

2. Watch a NBA match - check

3. Watch a football match - check

Well, let's stop at 3/10. And strictly speaking, a NBA match isn't really a UK thing, but I watched New York Knicks vs I-cannot-remember-who in New York's Madison Square Gardens when I was on my elective and since we are on the sporting theme here, let's just throw it in.

Liam being a completely devoted Spur fan brought me to watch them in action yesterday at White Hart Lane, their 30,000 seater stadium just north of London.

Bless him.

Being my first live football game, coupled with the fact I know NOTHING about Tottenham, he insisted that we - quote - stroll down from the tube station to soak up the atmosphere.

So we did that and even went into the Tottenham Shop where they sell everything Tottenham from a dog bowl dotted with footballs to yellow rubber ducks bearing the Tottenham flag.

Let's be honest. The town is crappy compared to London - and Edinburgh of course, and would be completely deserted save for the fact football happens here.
There are shops lining the street that brought me back to the time I was in Phuket - vendors having cheap cotton dresses hanging from aluminium held rafters - the sort that looks like it will collapse down when a gale blows or leak like no tomorrow when the rain comes.

And we all know what weather England is famous for.

We left Maidstone at 8.50am and arrived in Tottenham at 11 am.
Kickoff is at 12.30pm.

So I had a good 1 1/2 hours of soaking up the atmosphere as they put it and to be fair, quite enjoyed it plus our search for food; ended up in good ol' Sainsbury's where I got ripped off.
Meal-deal : £3 for a sandwich, a drink and crisps.
They charge me £4.
When I ask why, they say I took a fajita, only sandwiches allowed - OI, if so don't PUT THE DAMN FAJITAS IN THE SAME RACK!
But being a rich doctor, I couldn't be bothered to leave the counter to get a sandwich so I paid the £4.
Or more like I was paiseh because so many people Q-ing up behind me, super cheapo to leave the counter because of £1.
I wanted the fajita anyway.

Excuses, excuses.

So after a bit more of 'soaking up the atmosphere' while cramming our lunch down, we finally got to the stadium.

Don't know if you ever been to a football stadium, the entrance turnstile into the building is mad small.
Lucky I am so thin, I could fit through.

You people of BMIs more that 25, which is clinically obese - sorry man.
You'd get stuck.
Hard.

I know, I know, because back in 1989 or something, in Sheffield, 100s of people got crushed to death when a whole stampede of humans pushed towards the front to watch the football match. Hence all these health and safety rules.

Which I agree is good as an overall implementation, but I sometimes get well annoyed by it.
For example, today I went to Sainsbury's to buy pork ribs because I want to make Bak Kut Teh tonight for dinner.

Now, every Malaysian knows that to use pork ribs in Bak Kut Teh, they have to be chopped small. Like 1 inch lengths or something. But I have yet to find a supermarket here that sells ribs that small, it's always the whole 10inches of the rib which is mad ridiculous to use to cook Bak Kut Teh.
But hey! they have a butcher area, where the signboard screams BUTCHER!!!! out to all the grocery shopping folk. Like me.

I head over and ask them to chop it up for me.

They say NO.
Not allowed to open pre packaged food.
So I nicely offer and say what if I go and pay for it, bring it back and you chop it up?
NO.
Against store policy.

OI. WAT F - can I use the word f*ck?- U*KING policy is this?
I already offered to pay, already offered to bring it back myself, and ALREADY SAID I DO NOT HAVE THE KNIFE TO CHOP IT UP - and store policy says you cannot open pre packaged food!?!
WHAT?!
I was 99% tempted to tear it open in front of them right then, right there and demand they chop it up, because open already wat, what policy some more?

The manager then offered me any other selection of meat that was displayed in the transparent case in front of them that they will HAPPILY cut up, but of course, there is no pork ribs, is there!??!
SO TOOTING CHOP MINE UP FOR ME LAH!
In KL right, I buy all the slabs of sirloin steak for BBQ and tell the stores to cut it to precisely ONE INCH thickness they happily rip off the damn packaging can?
Sometimes I really curse the health and safety food, human life, whatever shitty policies this country has.

But being the very civil doctor I am, I just nicely said thank you, and seethed at the immensely, arguably crappiest and useless piece of policy that Sainsbury's has ever implemented. Who is the person who comes up with this nonsense bit of rule??

Fire him.

Sorry, I digress.

Back to the mad small turnstile entrances at White Hart Lane stadium.

Not only is it narrow, it is also not straight, sort of curved like waveforms. So you cannot walk straight through, you have to maneuver your way along the curvy entrance before you successfully step into the place.

Upon arriving at our seats, I realised that it is actually quite a small seat - I am literally shoulder to shoulder with the bloke next to me and Liam, and the distance between my knees and the seat in front of me is like 2 cm.

Honestly, if you are fat, you cannot watch live football.

Honest, cross my heart, hope to die.
Is that the correct phrase?

Never mind.

The game started quite on time, and one minute the stadium was half empty, the next it was FULL to brimming.

By then, Liam had already told me all about the players and their personal lives including their background histories - did you know their Honduras player refused to pay ransom when his brother was kidnapped last year and they tootholes KILLED HIS BROTHER?!?!?

Tragedy.

The game started off with Tottenham having 3 good opportunities to score but failing to do so because Pavyluchenko played like a sissy.

You could see the fans fidgeting, even Liam cursed that they HAD to beat this piece of shit.

Thank goodness in the last ONE minute of the first half, they managed to header a goal in - HAHA to those who left 2 minutes before the first half was over to get to the toilets first or whatever, they actually missed the goal! That's what you want to see right in football.

Second half Tottenham's ball possession was worst, but they managed to secure 2 goals - one was by Pavyluchenko and another by Jermain Defoe? Gosh, I also cannot remember.

Blackburn scored 1 goal - at to which the whole stadium froze and deathly silence took over - eh, I started to clap ok and quickly turned it to rubbing my hands together for warmth lest I be thrown down to the pitch.
Still goal ma, deserve applause right?
Only one small corner where the Blackburn fans were seated - celebrated.

Thank goodness I got good reflexes and hand-eye-brain connection to quickly mask my applause.

Then there was the time where Blackburn kicked Tot's star player Gareth Bale IN the penalty box and the whole stadium erupted like they already had scored a goal.
Only to have the referee decide no penalty awarded, at to which a chappie in front of me yelled down for him to go to Specsavers and have his f*cking eyes checked.

There were loads of songs to be learnt too, and did you know the Man U song, Glory Glory Man United! was actually a Tottenham Hotspurs song? So you say Tot'hm as 1 syllable and Hot-spurs... So Glory Glory Tot'hm Hot-spurs! Glory Glory...
I knew I had to teach you if not you wouldn't know how Tot-ten-ham Hot-spurs fitted into the song.
So did Man U come up with it or Tottenham? My flatmate insists it's Tottenham's but we can all see where the bias here lies.

Anyway, the final score was 3-1 to Tottenham, Thank Goodness, if not I would have to deal with a very grumpy flatmate who spent £49 on the ticket for me.

GO TOTTENHAM!

Now that I have watched all the top English sports live, I need to find another goal to top.
I know.

Wimbledon.