Simon Cowell's Best Bits

Read this in a ShortList that day and thought it is too fab not to post it here. And for those of you who do not know who Simon Cowell is, shame on you.

1. Cowell: "Your performance was like something out of a horror movie."
Emily Bell Hodgson: "I'm standing here like someone who actually has the X Factor!"
Cowell: "Yes, but not on planet Earth, darling."

2. Cowell: "You sing like the Spice Girls."
Contestant: "Thanks!"
Cowell: "Unfortunately, that wasn't a compliment."

3. Robert: "I'm fun, exciting and different!"
Cowell: "Well, I'll agree with the third."

4. Cowell: "If you had lived 2000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."

5. Cowell: "You take lessons? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer to sue your singing teacher."

6. Cowell: "I;ve got to stop this. It is so way off Mariah Carey."
Jay (who was singing Carey's Hero): "My voice is strong. I need help."
Cowell: "You need a helpline."

7. Cowell: "I've found this difficult because you look like the girl on... what's the programme with Matt Lucas? Do you know the one I mean? Vicky Pollard."

Vicky Pollard

Fiona: "So I look like a man?"
Cowell: " No, no. You don't look like a man. You look like a man... dressed as a woman."

Cowell, the legend.