How To Write An Email

Today, I read something interesting.

Or maybe, my life is so boring that this seemed interesting.

ANYWAY.

An email regarding Email Etiquettes to a certain government body was sent out touching on the correct way to write an email.

I was surprised.

Amazed.

And tickled funny.


Salutation – Please refer us with kinder words and not just “Hi” or Hi there”. Use prefixes such as Mr / En / Tuan / Puan / Cik / Ms / Miss / Sir or Madam. We DO NOT advocate the use of “abang” or “kakak” for its lack of official ness. If you are writing to private e-mails, then the choice is yours but XXX and XXY are official e-mail addresses. If you are unsure as to the officer-in-charge, just write “Dear Sir / Madam”. Please also refer us by our name as we normally do as Malaysians. Unless you are now a real true blue British to the tee, there is no Mr. Razak or Ms. Zatil or Ms. Aishah in this office. We don’t have the practice of surnames in our culture. Don’t be rude.

Well, I have to admit, there is a point.
'Hi' and 'Hi There' is, after all, not very polite when addressing someone official. But the next part - 'there is no Mr. Razak Ms. Zatil or Mr. Aishah in this office.' Now, this makes me laugh.

Why on dear Mother Earth's name can we NOT use Mr. Razak?? Is it Malaysian culture NOT to use surnames???? This really is a first. 19 years in Malaysia, I've never realised that addressing someone as Mr. Abdul is wrong in terms of culture.

And abang and kakak is not official? Yes, it is not. But I'd think it was polite enough. The fact that there is no Mr. Rizal still disturbs me.


Content – Please write in full and clear sentences. You can use either English or BM in your e-mail to us. What we will not tolerate is abbreviated words in e-mails, as what you’d normally use in SMSes. Examples are “r u” or “ x pe” or “b4” or “y ct n g x plaks nk cum 2 c u @ bs“ or “i 1 2 c u @ p g da”. We don’t understand these and we will not try to assume to understand it also. We will totally ignore, from now, e-mails written in such. So, please make sure you write clearly what you want us to read.

BOL.

I only got as far as b4 and did not understand anything else after that.

i fr kl but 2 bad i x tau pe yg ditulis.

Wait, is that even correct abbreviation?

And hello, SMS is an abbreviation lorh. Sorry, I do not advocate the rest of what you've written either because I do not understand what SMS is in the first place.

Signing-off – It doesn’t hurt a bit to say “Thank you” before you sign off. That’s good mannerism, which we believe you have been taught by your school / parents. Please give them some justice and honor. For those with family names, please also write your name as you normally write them in Malaysia as your records are written in the same. For example, it’s “Yap Ah Loy” not “Ah Loy, Yap”. Please also write your IC, major and university so that we do not have to cross refer your name every time we receive your e-mail. With your e-mail address with names like “angels”, “death”, “Satan”, “handsome”, “baby”, etc, we need everyone to sign-off with their recognizable name.

Tsk. Tsk.
Fancy people having to remind you about mannerisms. How many formal letters and speeches did you have to write before you sat for your SPM? And you can't even say thank you. But what makes it even funnier is that you need someone to remind you to give your parents and school.... *drumroll*.... justice and honour. BOL. Again.

When I first came, I was confused with how your surname goes to the back instead of the front. NO, my first name is NOT Kar. It is Kar Ying. Heck that is not even it. It is Rachel. But because of how it is written on my birth cert, my first name is now Kar.
And yes, I have to admit, I do not like people using their name as Hor Lick, Cheng either. I'd prefer Cheng Hor Lick.
But fancy not being able to recognise someone because of how they write their name. If I wrote Hor Lick Cheng with No comma, fair enough but if it's Hor Lick, Cheng, surely my dear, surely, you'd be able to interpret it immediately as Cheng Hor Lick, the Malaysian way? You are, after all.....





wait for it...







wait for it....







Malaysian!!!
So hard to understand meh!?

The last sentence - with names like 'angels', 'death', 'Satan' etc... is classic.

I think I will learn from now on, that there is no Ms. Hung in Malaysian culture, saying thank you is mandatory and also, Kar Ying Hung is not acceptable as I am Hung Kar Ying. My email address wintersnow@xx.com is also not representative of who I am hence please contact me only at rachelhky@xx.com, which is... Wait. Not representative of me either.


Thank you very much indeed.