I Need a Dictionary.

In my many years of examinations (and the many more to come until I am 40 years old or so), I have never felt so inadequate in the face of the almighty English language.

11 years of primary school and secondary schooling in Assunta and SMKDJ has taught me that exams test your knowledge about facts and NOT your vocabulary.

When I entered medical school, exams started out with fact testing but as the years progressed, it has revolved into testing your knowledge of how many people in the general population will die from a heart attack to... I don't know, eating a rubber tree is a contraindication if you have latex allergy.

But my last paper topped the ladder, throwing my examination skills into a whole new domain of newfound wonder - my apparent lack of mastering the English language.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am no English language professor...

but you got 8.5 in IELTS wat!!!
yeah, IELTS is stoopid ok

nor am I majoring in English or a writer for the newspaper. However, I consider myself being able to understand at least 80% of the language in and out (except bombastically silly words that I obviously do not need to know), am able to use it to my every whim and fancy, run the different words up and down the hill... and never has it hindered me in exams.

Oh Wait.

Up Til Now.

Medical terminology is a whole different level in the English Language. I swear I can speak to a lay person using just medical terminology and you won't have a tooting idea of what I am talking about.

Pardon me, I digress.

The University of Edinburgh MBChB(that's my degree title by the way, I have no idea what it stands for, only if I graduate then I'm a doctor and can definitely detain you) Year 4 Psychiatry MCQ examination was the one paper where an Oxford Dictionary would come in pretty handy.

Or maybe the internet. Then I can Google the answers immediately instead of flipping pages.

Now, pray tell me, what does somnolence mean?

ok, shutup if you are an english major or some poet or writer, I really don't give a toot.

When you read something like that in a medical exam paper, you see red.

As in REALLY.
Google says somnolence means sleepiness.

OI, CANNOT EFFING PUT SLEEPINESS KAH? WHAT SOMNOLENCE?! I AM SITTING FOR A MEDICAL PAPER, NOT ENGLISH YOU RETARDS!

Somnolence.

PFFFT..

Ok, fine, maybe I am the retarded one instead.

Not to mention I was completely bamboozled by an amazingly huge amount of words - possibly medically-associated, that popped up here and there, every-effing-where in the paper - words that sound like ... heck, I cannot even begin to pronounce them.
Which of course, influenced my decision making in which correct answer to pick.
Which means that my lack of English vocabulary is going to possibly make me fail in this exam.

I once again blame my education in Malaysia that only revolved around Malay, English and Chinese.

A bit of Latin and Greek would bring me a long way when it comes to medicine especially answering anal questions like:

What do you give for depression?
a) Fluoxetine 20 mg mane
b) Fluoxetine 20 mg nocte

=.=

I know I am supposed to know what mane and nocte means. Being in medical school and all that. But I mean, COME ON LAH - it's a test of my knowledge regarding drugs for depression and maybe its dose too (which once I become a doctor, I can bloody look it up in the BNF at any time I want without really having to memorise them) which in this rare case, I actually knew both!

Hooray! At this stage, really can hoi heung ban(open champagne) d

But when it comes to nocte and mane - darn, I got stuck.

At which, my pharmacist friend nearly blew his top when he found out I didn't know what those meant, as it was stoopid doctors who always use those anal words.

Apparently, they are Latin and meant am and pm. Why can't they use Malay - malam dan pagi then? I am sure I would have ticked the answer straightaway without any further thought.

Garh.

On that note, did you know somnambulism meant sleepwalking?

What a mouthful.

And lastly, I also discovered that an exam paper really becomes quite fun when you realise that it makes no difference however hard you try to think of or reason out the answer (obviuosly to no avail cos you do not understanding what the words mean in the first place). In fact, bantai-ing becomes rather enjoyable especially when you start making first impression choices due to time constraints.

Almost like playing Bingo.