Wait.
Did I JUST hear you ask: WHO the heck is Gordon Ramsay?!
Celebrity chef of the UK, specialises in French cuisine, owns goodness knows how many Michelin star restaurants and is as famous as Jamie Oliver, thank you very much.
If you are going to ask me who Jamie Oliver is, you can stop reading now, go to your room and hide under your covers while contemplating your lack of knowledge regarding the world around you.
Fast forward to Edinburgh, and we have a Ramsay's junior chef visiting - in the form of wholly Malaysian born, fully Kuantan bred:-Mr. Tan Yan Yih.
Graduated from IMI Switzerland in Culinary Art, Mr. Tan now works in Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen at Claridges, as a commis chef, learning the ropes as he goes along and also stealing as much food and recipes as he can.
He is 22 years old, 174 cm tall, weighs 68kg, of Chinese origin and is pretty darn rich as far as I can tell. His Facebook name is Tan Yan Yih, Friendster page: Aryan Tan and msn ---
Eh, I am not stalking him okay.
Anyway, Mr. Tan decided to grace our kitchens by preparing us a proper fine dining meal, worthy to be served in Gordon Ramsay's Michelin star restaurants. A mouth watering gastronomic delight main course of lamb shank tastefully matched with mint sauce, a starter of crab meat salad chilled with fish roe dressing and to finish up - a deliciously sweet dessert of pear tarts with a side serving of rich cold ice cream was the menu of the night and I went to sleep the night before thinking happy thoughts.
Only to find out the next day that Edinburgh has no butcher's to get the lamb shank, crab is almost non existent, and the oven in the kitchen is of so poor temperature control quality that the baking of a rich yet light base for the tarts is almost close to mission impossible.
Well, to be honest, we do have a butcher who has got lamb shanks and we do have crabs which are affordable.
However, one can think that the cook might not be experienced enough to prepare the above mentioned dishes or we can blame it on other factors.
Depends on how you roll.
Courtesy of Tesco.
Wait, I mean, of Victoria Chan whose friend he was and who paid for everything.
*We love you!*
The host of ingredientsOf course, there is never only one chef in any Michelin star restaurant. There is always, always, more than that.
Introducing:
Gordon Ramsay's protege/Head Chef of West Richmond Kitchen
West Richmond Kitchen untapped talent for cooking/Sous Chef
The one who cuts and washes the mud of the potatoes/West Richmond Kitchen noobFor extra credit, I chopped all those mushrooms and apples into small, small, smaaaaaalll pieces ok.
Then promptly forgot to put the apples in water to prevent oxidisation because Mr. Gordon Ramsay didn't tell me and got yelled at a la Ramsay style for the end product was a lifeless brown colour when it really should have a shining white yellowy tint.
Oh CRAP! Oxidised apples. -_- 
Hard at work chopping fresh basil/mint/coriander leaves. Sure, the head chef chops the easy ones and I chop things like rock hard green Bramley apples. This is what they call child labour.Finally after about 1 1/2 hours, we were ready to roll.
The starter:
Crispy garden salad leaves with deep fried bacon bits (which I CUT TOO), quarters of boiled egg and small cherry vine tomatoes seasoned with herbs and salt and finished off with Tesco Finest Sweet Balsamic Vinegar.We do love Tesco.
Main Course:
Fresh out of the oven - the pork steaks.
All delicately sliced and nicely presented on its bed of mash potatoes (infused with MINT) with a side sweep of freshly picked greens, a salty concoction of fried chestnut, shiitake and portobello mushrooms and topped with sweet as honey apple sauce and sun blushed tomatoes slightly grilled to tippy top perfection.
It is then drizzled with reduced juices from the steaks.*Shivers*
All for show ok.
What we really had was a spread of every thing, piecing together the bits ourselves as we all dig in unceremoniously into the food.
Who wants to wait for the head chef to plate everything?
Or the more likely situation is he was too lazy to plate it and told us to eat it ourselves.
Unceremoniously.
Dessert was Tiramisu made from the most refined mascorpone cheese and rum recipe you can find in Gordon's kitchen and also a trifle of triple chocolate mousse that our Head Chef made FROM SCRATCH.
HAH.
TOP THAT.
SCRATCH OK.
THEY DO NOT SERVE ANYTHING THAT IS PROCESSED IN GORDON RAMSAY'S KITCHEN.
THEY GROW THEIR OWN POTATOES, MILK THEIR OWN COWS THAT ARE FED OF ORGANIC FOOD AND SMOKE THEIR OWN HAM. THEY EVEN CULTURE THEIR OWN CHEESE AND SUN WATER FROM THE DEAD SEA FOR ITS SALT.
All in a little back garden called The Gordon Ramsay Spot.
*damn, I am doing so much publicity for him, some one should pay me advertisement fees*
But dessert -
Tiramisu we had, triple chocolate trifle we had -all Tesco brand.
Because our Gordon Ramsay child prodigy says that according to the current latest up-to-date economy and an all round market survey of student spending habits in Edinburgh, these desserts are not profitable to make for our sampling.
Fine.
We got Tesco okay.
*Tesco should ALSO pay me for advertisement*
And since we already had our 80-pound-a-meal from 'Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen at Claridges' minus wine, we have nothing more to ask for.
Except to ensure Mr. Tan Yan Yih remains our friend forever. Because he can cook.
And Miss Victoria Chan too. Because she can pay.
Muax.
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